Quickly popping in to wish all y’all attention deficit skanks a super merry Christmas! In the spirit of the holiday, I spent two days this week baking my ass off; and now, I’m procrastinating by writing, instead of tidying up my shitshow of a house before people come over.
Adderall, take the wheel.
Here’s my Christmas wish for the world: I hope that everyone eats too much tomorrow, gets merrily wasted, and passes out on the couch in front of Die Hard with a satisfied smile. And, that y’all remember everything doesn’t have to be perfect. If your cookies burn, or you forget to take the trash out of the guest bathroom, or your racist uncle gets extra racisty when he meets your brother’s “ethnic” girlfriend, just take a breath – and a couple of big-ass swigs from whatever bottle is closest at hand.
Please enjoy this video compilation of animals taking out little kids, as my gift to you: